it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
