i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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