Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
