Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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