1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
