yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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