I'm going to jail i love you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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