I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
