not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
