Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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