I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
