my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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