Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
