to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
