my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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