tell your sister to shave her snatch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
