weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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