I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my liver is dry heaving
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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