we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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