I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
