I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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