He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
