What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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