I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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