i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
