I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
