I got chris browned last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
