Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
