i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
