Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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