why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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