I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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