Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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