my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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