Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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