I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
