how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
