By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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