My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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