well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
