You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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