You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bring me that man meat
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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