The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't notice because vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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