I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
