I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
