i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
