God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
