So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
