I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
