Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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