ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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