i need an iv and a liver transplant
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
