I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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