If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize