Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
