i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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