How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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