I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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