Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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