I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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