I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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