i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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