How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
