I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
