i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
