so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
