Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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