We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
