Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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