im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
