I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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