I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
