his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
