Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
