I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she told me i tasted like america
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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