i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
