You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
