Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
