$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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