i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
