So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
