I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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